linzi
A STORY ABOUT A BOOZY BARBER
FOGGY DREW THE BARBER.
FOGGY HAD NEITHER A WIFE NOR SIBLINGS.HE WAS A SON OF A FARMER IN THE BACK ARSE OF NOWWHERE IN A LITTLE TOWN CALLED CORDUFF IN THE WEST OF IRELAND.NOW FOGGY WAS A SHEEP FARMER IN HIS YOUNGER DAYS, BUT WAS ABLE TO BUY LAND DOWN THE ROAD, IT WAS AN OLD USED PUBLIC TOILET, SO HE PUT IN AN OFFER AND DECIDED TO TURN IT INTO A BARBERS SHOP. SINCE LEAVING THE FARM AGED 20, HE TRAINED WITH THE LOCAL BARBER MR.MURPHY AND SO BECAME A DAB HAND AT CUTTING HAIR.
HE WAS PROUD OF HIS GARDEN,AS IT WAS AN ATTRACTION TO THE LOCALS,AND TOURISTS.HIS FAVORITE PASTIME WAS CAREFULLY TRIMMING AND STYLING THE HEDGES,AND THE BUXUS TREES INTO SOMETHING FROM THE WIZARD OF OZ. HE HAD DOG SHAPED ONES,CATS ,DUCKS,DONKEYS, AND HIS LATEST INVENTION WAS A MARVELOUS SEA LION BALANCING A BALL ON ITS NOSE.
FOGGYS MIND WAS DISINTERGRATING FAST. HE HAD BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH ALSHIEMERS.HE WAS FOND OF THE OLD JAMESONS WHISKY. HE WAS ALSO OBSESSED WITH SCISSORS. HE HAD THEM IN THE KITCHEN, IN THE GARDEN, IN THE LIVING ROOM, IN THE BATHROOM, JUST ABOUT EVERYWHERE BUT THE BARBERS BECAUSE HE WAS ALWAYS FORGETTING TO TAKE THEM WITH HIM. THE LOCAL CHEMIST HAD COPPED ONTO HIS FORGETFULLNESS AND SO ORDERED SCISSORS BY THE BUCKET LOAD, AS THEY KNEW EVERY DAY HE WOULD BE IN BUYING A PAIR.
ONE MORNING HE AWOKE AND GOT DRESSED,IN HIS BLACK TROUSERS WITH BRACES, HIS VEST ,HIS CHRISTMAS JUMPER AND OF COURSE HIS STEEL TOE CAPPED BOOTS.
: good morning minnie; HE SAID TO HIS CAT, IS IT PORRIDGE THIS HERE MORN?( after breakfast he pours himself a whisky, washes his glass wipes it and puts it away)THEN FOGGY POURS HIMSELF A WHISKY WASHES HIS GLASS AND PUTS IT AWAY.HE GOES TO THE BATHROOM TO TRIM HIS NAZEL HAIR, GOES DOWNSTAIRS POURS HIMSELF A WHISKY WASHES HIS GLASS THEN PUTS IT AWAY. HE THEN REALISES TIME HAS FLOWN AND IT IS TIME FOR WORK.OFF HE GOES IN HIS LAND ROVER TO THE BARBERS. HE OPENS UP THE SHOP AND LOOKS FOR THE SCISSORS, AGAIN NO SCISSORS, SO HE LOCKS UP AND WALKS OVER TO THE CHEMIST.
THE CLOCK IN THE BARBERS HAS BEEN STUCK ON 5 OCLOCK FOR YEARS NOW, STILL WITH THE SCISSORS IN HIS POCKET , HE OPENS UP AGAIN ,ONLY TO LOOK AT THE CLOCK ,HE THINKS IT IS CLOSING TIME(bearing in mind he s only just opened) SO HE DRIVES HOME FEEDS MINNIE AND YES YOU GUESSED IT POURS HIMSELF A WHISKY WASHES HIS GLASS AND PUTS IT AWAY.
THE LOCALNEWSPAPER WERE DOING A FEATURE ON THE LOCAL SHOPS IN THE AREA, FOGGY WAS GETTING BAD REVIEWS, HE READ THE ARTICLE AND WAS OUTRAGED AND HURT BY THE LOCALS REVIEWS HE WAS GETTING FROM THE BY STANDERS.
h yes that foggy one his barbers has been closed for years now mister
said one fella)
:That barbers is falling down its a bloody eye sore: said another local.STEAM WAS COMING OUT OF FOGGYS EARS, HE WAS SO ANNOYED AND SO HE DECIDED TO TAKE A TRIP DOWN TO THE EVENING GAZETTE TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT.OFF HE LEFT IN HIS LANDROVER, OPENED UP THE BARBERS , CLOSED THE BARBERS, WALKED OVER TO THE CHEMIST, BOUGHT SOME SCISSORS, DROVE HOME FED MINNIE POURED HIMSELF A WHISKY, WASHED HIS GLASS AND PUT IT AWAY.
IT WAS JUST ANOTHER TYPICAL DAY IN FOOGYS MIND THE END.
FOGGY HAD NEITHER A WIFE NOR SIBLINGS.HE WAS A SON OF A FARMER IN THE BACK ARSE OF NOWWHERE IN A LITTLE TOWN CALLED CORDUFF IN THE WEST OF IRELAND.NOW FOGGY WAS A SHEEP FARMER IN HIS YOUNGER DAYS, BUT WAS ABLE TO BUY LAND DOWN THE ROAD, IT WAS AN OLD USED PUBLIC TOILET, SO HE PUT IN AN OFFER AND DECIDED TO TURN IT INTO A BARBERS SHOP. SINCE LEAVING THE FARM AGED 20, HE TRAINED WITH THE LOCAL BARBER MR.MURPHY AND SO BECAME A DAB HAND AT CUTTING HAIR.
HE WAS PROUD OF HIS GARDEN,AS IT WAS AN ATTRACTION TO THE LOCALS,AND TOURISTS.HIS FAVORITE PASTIME WAS CAREFULLY TRIMMING AND STYLING THE HEDGES,AND THE BUXUS TREES INTO SOMETHING FROM THE WIZARD OF OZ. HE HAD DOG SHAPED ONES,CATS ,DUCKS,DONKEYS, AND HIS LATEST INVENTION WAS A MARVELOUS SEA LION BALANCING A BALL ON ITS NOSE.
FOGGYS MIND WAS DISINTERGRATING FAST. HE HAD BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH ALSHIEMERS.HE WAS FOND OF THE OLD JAMESONS WHISKY. HE WAS ALSO OBSESSED WITH SCISSORS. HE HAD THEM IN THE KITCHEN, IN THE GARDEN, IN THE LIVING ROOM, IN THE BATHROOM, JUST ABOUT EVERYWHERE BUT THE BARBERS BECAUSE HE WAS ALWAYS FORGETTING TO TAKE THEM WITH HIM. THE LOCAL CHEMIST HAD COPPED ONTO HIS FORGETFULLNESS AND SO ORDERED SCISSORS BY THE BUCKET LOAD, AS THEY KNEW EVERY DAY HE WOULD BE IN BUYING A PAIR.
ONE MORNING HE AWOKE AND GOT DRESSED,IN HIS BLACK TROUSERS WITH BRACES, HIS VEST ,HIS CHRISTMAS JUMPER AND OF COURSE HIS STEEL TOE CAPPED BOOTS.
: good morning minnie; HE SAID TO HIS CAT, IS IT PORRIDGE THIS HERE MORN?( after breakfast he pours himself a whisky, washes his glass wipes it and puts it away)THEN FOGGY POURS HIMSELF A WHISKY WASHES HIS GLASS AND PUTS IT AWAY.HE GOES TO THE BATHROOM TO TRIM HIS NAZEL HAIR, GOES DOWNSTAIRS POURS HIMSELF A WHISKY WASHES HIS GLASS THEN PUTS IT AWAY. HE THEN REALISES TIME HAS FLOWN AND IT IS TIME FOR WORK.OFF HE GOES IN HIS LAND ROVER TO THE BARBERS. HE OPENS UP THE SHOP AND LOOKS FOR THE SCISSORS, AGAIN NO SCISSORS, SO HE LOCKS UP AND WALKS OVER TO THE CHEMIST.
THE CLOCK IN THE BARBERS HAS BEEN STUCK ON 5 OCLOCK FOR YEARS NOW, STILL WITH THE SCISSORS IN HIS POCKET , HE OPENS UP AGAIN ,ONLY TO LOOK AT THE CLOCK ,HE THINKS IT IS CLOSING TIME(bearing in mind he s only just opened) SO HE DRIVES HOME FEEDS MINNIE AND YES YOU GUESSED IT POURS HIMSELF A WHISKY WASHES HIS GLASS AND PUTS IT AWAY.
THE LOCALNEWSPAPER WERE DOING A FEATURE ON THE LOCAL SHOPS IN THE AREA, FOGGY WAS GETTING BAD REVIEWS, HE READ THE ARTICLE AND WAS OUTRAGED AND HURT BY THE LOCALS REVIEWS HE WAS GETTING FROM THE BY STANDERS.
h yes that foggy one his barbers has been closed for years now mistersaid one fella):That barbers is falling down its a bloody eye sore: said another local.STEAM WAS COMING OUT OF FOGGYS EARS, HE WAS SO ANNOYED AND SO HE DECIDED TO TAKE A TRIP DOWN TO THE EVENING GAZETTE TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT.OFF HE LEFT IN HIS LANDROVER, OPENED UP THE BARBERS , CLOSED THE BARBERS, WALKED OVER TO THE CHEMIST, BOUGHT SOME SCISSORS, DROVE HOME FED MINNIE POURED HIMSELF A WHISKY, WASHED HIS GLASS AND PUT IT AWAY.
IT WAS JUST ANOTHER TYPICAL DAY IN FOOGYS MIND THE END.
