Janice M Cali
Anger & Frustration
Anger - A Feeling
Today I am angry, frustrated and pissed off to boot, and there is too a difference between anger and pissed offedness. So there!
Why am I angry? OK, it's simple. The world has pissed me off today because I'm having to do things that cause me pain, a lot of pain. Now I'm sure most of you can and do clean your own house. I can't, I have to have people who do it for me, and in the past four months I've had approximately six people wander through my life and supposedly help. Some of them have been big helps, but left to go to other jobs where they got more time, the others have been pretty worthless.
Today, I decided I was tired of waiting for the agency I have to find me another incompetent arse and would try doing the work myself. So far not bad. Got the kitchen started, the dishes loaded into the dishwasher and it started. One for me. Cleaned the counter tops, two for me. Got the trash out, but not emptied, can't carry it, one for them. Looked at the kitchen floor, it's filthy! Absolutely FILTHY! I swept it as well as I can, with limited use of my shoulders, and got the lose crud picked up and in the trash, the not loose crud needs scrubbing, I need someone to scrub the floor... as I look anxiously around and see no one around to help. I'll figure this one out, but it pisses me off that the last incompetent person through here washed my floors once in six visits (that's 3 times a week), and then she did it with dirty water on all the floors, she didn't change the water when it got dirty. This was blamed on the mop not being good enough.
When I went to get clean sheets for my bed, I found two and 1/2 sets. I should have four, counting the one on the bed at the time, so there should have been three sets in the closet where they are kept. I found 2 1/2 sets, and of those two and 1/2 sets none had the two pillow cases they were supposed to have. Yes, these are all old sheets, but I've always managed to keep them together, how does someone not figure out that the pillow cases go with the sheets?
Towels, I'm missing half, and I'm missing even more of my kitchen towels. Some of those were with my bath towels, but not all of them. Where the hell could they have put my towels? This is a mystery.
The kitchen, I can't find half my things, I cook, I cook a lot and have a lot of wonderful tools, good pots and pans, and baking things, Can I find them where they should be? Hell no! I found the kitchen tongs in the drawer with my kitchen towels, now why would they be there?
I told each aide, if you don't know where something belongs, please, please ask me because it ticks me off when I can't find something. If you don't know ask. Now how easy is that? Do they want me to sit in the room where they are working and supervise every move they make? Well, I live in a studio type home, it's wide open, I'm right next to the room they are working in, there is a half wall between us, no more, you don't even have to shout unless I'm watching a movie or something like that.
One aide has been with me for over three years, he is good at what he does, but he doesn't do housework, or at least not a lot. What he does do is get me where I'm going safely, he makes sure my yard is kept clean and neat, he does my grocery shopping when I can't, he takes my car to the service station and makes sure it is taken care of properly. But he doesn't do house work well. He does vacuum well, even underthings unlike many others, he doesn't mop floors very well but this is because he is basically blind at the distance of 6' to the floor, about his height, less inches for where his eyes are placed in his head.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to get him to do the housework anyway, somehow and that way I'll only have one person to bitch at, and bitching at him isn't all that hard, since he knows when he is doing the job or not.
Writing about all the other reasons I'm pissed off could go on for hours, days, months even, a good therapist has been trying to get to those reasons for just that years, and we are getting there. I'm angry that my parents are aging and not well or gracefully, as the old saying goes. That my father's brilliant mind isn't anymore, that my once active and interesting mother can barely walk across a room and does nothing but sit in a chair and watch TV all day, since she can't read anymore.
The fact that my father is virtually blind and can't even see to cut his own food and this is the man who used to read three or four books a day, sometimes more than one at a time (something I learned from him).
Another reason I'm pissed off, no make that angry. My lovely big white greyhound had to have surgery today. One reason was to remove a cancerous tumor, the vet found two more and removed them too, and because Zeus, my grey, has a history of urinary tract infections and his urine isn't acidic enough he's on a special food, so he had a urinalysis today to see if the food was helping. What the vet found was no white blood cells in his urine, sign of an infection, but some cells that he didn't recognize, so that has to go to the lab for analysis and I hate that because I have a sneaking suspicion that I know what those cells are, and I don't want to know. Right now my poor boy is wandering around, drinking water like crazy and being bemused by how he's feeling. I think the vet should have kept him a little longer, he wasn't awake enough to come home and I don't have a kennel to put him in to keep him still, so he paces, drinks water and paces some more. Dogs, should not have to go through this! Especially my dogs, they should be happy, healthy and one day, say when they're 20 or 30 years old just go to sleep and cross to the rainbow bridge to wait until it's my turn to join them.
As I so frequently said growing up, "It isn't fair!" the response was, of course, "Life isn't fair!" then why did you teach me that it is supposed to be? We tell our children to be fair, but forget to tell them that not every body is and that life rarely is. Now that really makes me angry. How many of you grew up expecting life to be fair? Raise your hands! I'll bet most of you did, and those of you who didn't thought it should be.
I could go on and on, as you all know, but I won't I need to go sit with my big white greyhound and make him as comfortable as I possibly can.
Zeus on my bed with T-Shirt
Is Why
I and Me
Just Writing
Is Why
I and Me
Just Writing
Is Why
Is Why
I and Me
Just Writing
I want to thank you for reading both my blogs, I greatly appreciate it. Because I live in the USA I'm willing to bet that your 56 degrees are not farhenheit, since that would be blessedly cool here. My friend Jerry would love to be where the Salmon are running, if only to find someone cooking and willing to share. Hope you get the chance to enjoy some and find a way to stay cool.
Janice
Is Why
Your blogs are thoughtfully written and that appealed to me, the mischievous side of it's author shines through and isn't a deterrent.
Light Within
How do You Express Your Creativity?
Food Leaf
I and Me
Just Writing
I love that, I haven't had the pleasure of meeting a pharaoh hound in person, but they are lovely animals, and I hope to meet one someday, mean while say hi to yours for me. I'll give Zeus your best tomorrow when he comes home.
Janice
I and Me
Just Writing
Janice
Is Why
The one thing more unbearable than the heat was the temper of a fiery ex-wife who talked me into moving from Alaska to TX after selling everything.
That everything was reinvested in HER property, HER home, HER retirement and what I got to keep in the divorce settlement ~ she stole.
One of us lost a bundle, I gained everything coming home.
There's a lot to be said for peace of mind. Hopefully, she's happy as well; that way she'll stay away from me.
I and Me
Just Writing
How I ever got to Texas is beyond me, I like it about six months a year, the rest of the time, I really would like to be someplace else.
Congratulations on being happy, having peace of mind and in a place you feel best in, home.
Is Why
The coastal sunrises and sunsets in Texas were usually pleasant.