Janice M Cali
Contentment and Happiness Arrive
Contentment is a Stolen Pillow
Are you going to believe this? Try really hard. Remember last week, a melt down, a therapist who gave me a bad time? Two relatively grim posts? Yup, that would be me.
But guess what? I've been trying to follow Laura's advice, let go of trying to find the fix for the emptiness inside and it seems to be working. Oh, I'm still doing things, I wrote a food blog, Oven Fried Checke , a little self advertising never hurts. I've finished the crocheting for my wall hanging, bought some stuff for it, bought some things for the house, like hanging lights for over the sink, wall sconces for the bedroom and two shelves for same. I feel so good. Even though I spent money on projects, it's something that I wanted to do but didn't feel a “need” to do.
Now, I've moved some bookcases and books, Jerry did help, and I actually managed to spend over two hours at the nursing home visiting with my parents on Saturday. Now, with my phobia that's almost miraculous, and I enjoyed the visit, which can be miraculous.
Then yesterday, I mostly took it easy, cleaned the kitchen, cooked a healthy meal of beans with chicken and veggies, over rice and it was almost yummy, except that I forgot to spice the beans before cooking them, but the joy of Tabasco sauce does wonders. It would have been perfect with some cheddar cheese but with Parmesan cheese it wasn't bad. Actually it was pretty good. You see I'm trying to not salt anything for a while because I'm having a little swelling in my bad leg, and that's usually caused by fluid build up and it can be pretty uncomfortable, so no salt and watching the diet. Aren't you proud of me? I'm watching my diet.
Oh and I just did something I swore I'd never do, I hate MLMs with a passion but Jerry joined one about a month ago and is impressed with it. It's called GVO and it is basically bundle of web hosting and other business resources. I liked the sound of it after getting through all the hype, and there's a lot of that as usual, but when I managed to weed my way through, something I'm usually incapable of doing, I found that I did like the sound of it and tonight I went ahead and signed up for it, a two week trial is only a $1.00 and I set my calendar to remind me two days before that's up so I can opt out if I don't like it. But so far Jerry is actually making money at it, their servers seem to be faster than the ones we usually use so what the hell. If you're interested you can check it out for yourself at My GVO Link which is my link. If you don't that's just fine with me.
Now, Roux is doing a little better. She seems to be slowly perking up although she still runs to the doggie door if she hears the wind blow it. She's still expecting Zeusy to come home, but not as much. She does guard me more and seems to be slightly more hysterical when I've been gone but still she's starting to get a little less gloomy, and hopefully soon I'll be able to get her another dog to play with, we'll have to see about that.
Me, well I feel good. Actually good. I'm even happy most of the time lately. My sister went on vacation this week to San Francisco and I didn't even have an anxiety attack at the thought as I normally would have.
I found out that my insurance wouldn't pay for one of my new drugs, Provigil, so I've decided to go back on adderall, I don't particularly like the drug but it will do what it is supposed to and help with handling the sleepiness caused by the trazodone which can be wicked. My hopes are that the adderall will help as the Provigil does but without the hyperactive feeling that I used to have with it. We'll just have to wait and see, but I believe that they will work well together.
Now, happiness, not gleeful, but just a feeling of general wellbeing and general happiness. Things are working well around the house, it's looking better, in part to a really great cleaning person, and to Jerry helping me get thing that I want done, done. Tomorrow we're tackling the studio so I can start working on some of my art again. I really want to get busy painting some of the paintings I promised the aides and nurses in the hospital. They were very nice to me and I want to remember them in some small way and a few simple watercolors won't hurt, will give me more practice on animals, which I need badly, and maybe even get me some really good referrals.
About the horse, which I seem to remember being bummed about, I can live with whatever happens, I will deal with it as I always deal with things, sadness, a little heartbreak, and disappointment, but I'll survive those and move on, I'll just get my donkeys sooner, well after I fence in some of the property so they don't wander to far. Oh, and I have to get Jerry to ask his neighbor, to whom he sold some acreage if he can use it for my donkeys do if they cross the stream they can graze in his pasture, since mine is really bad, and I don't want to fence off the stream since that's their primary water source.
The goats, I may have to wait for them some more, but I can do that too. I'd rather wait on them than the donkeys, although they can be somewhat expensive to maintain too. We'll wait and see about all of them. I have dreams, and I have to learn not to rush them, which I'm doing right now. It's fill that empty place thing. So, I'll wait for a time and then when I can I'll get both donkeys and goats.
Ooh, guess what?! Go ahead, guess. I'll give you a minute...
OK, ready? Jerry and I are planning a vacation, one that is within one day's drive to a national park in Louisiana. Yes, Louisiana. It's really a beautiful state and where we're going is to the Cane River Creole National Park. Obviously it's on a river, and it's in Louisiana and it's south of here. But south of here is all right now, by the time we go it will be October and even Louisiana is bearable, weather wise, which it wouldn't be during the summer, hell it isn't bearable here during the summer, and today was even too hot, but it's starting to cool off.
Now get this, we're going to go camping, well sort of, we aren't going to have a tent, neither of us are young enough to sleep on the ground and besides no sleeping bags. But we are going to rent a thing for the top of the car, and we're going to sleep in the back. Hell, it's a huge station wagon, Volvo, the seats fold down flat, and with some blankets under and over us we should be quite comfortable, but I'm not sure how Roux's going to handle it, but then I haven't exactly told Jerry that she's going with us for sure, he knows I want to take her, but... I have a portable grill that can do all types of cooking, good pots and some pans we can take, Jerry has a bunch of large coolers, and we can buy groceries to take with us. Plus drinks, and yes, I plan to take some booze, just not too much. Beer for me, scotch for him. Water for Roux. Oh, did I mention that Roux has decided to like watermelon.
Of course we'll both take our cameras, computers, and other electronic stuff, we're both addicted you see. But mostly we'll take our cameras because we're both photo nuts. We love taking pictures and Jerry can take great ones, and I can take some very good ones, but I'm getting better.
Well, now you know, this is how I talk, ramble, write, when I'm feeling mentally and physically well and even good. I thought you all deserved to know that I do have good times too, since I tend to blog mostly when I'm down. Seems like Laura should have laid into me ages ago, or maybe not.
Later y'all, and remember if I can feel good so can you and those you love and worry about.
