Janice M Cali
Grave Digging
Grave for Zeus
Last night I wrote about my dog's death and my life with him. Tonight I'm going to continue the tale, but with a different twist.
As many of you, who read regularly know, I have physical limitations due to various reasons. Today I exceeded, bypassed and ignored almost all of them, to the best of my ability.
When I found out that cremation for a dog Zeus's size would be in the $500 to $600 dollar range, I was somewhat upset, I can't afford that amount of money and the emergency vet visit last night cost me almost $400, so debt has piled up. Also, I still would have had to take Zeus home and then call my regular vet and have his people pick Zeus up to take him to be cremated. This seemed somewhat silly and very upsetting. I called Jerry. Jerry is a very close friend, as some of you might remember, who has always been very kind and supportive of my efforts to do whatever I attempt to do. So I called him, because once before when we talked about the possibility of Zeus dying, I'd asked if he'd help me with the burial. He had said yes.
The problem I had was where to bury my big handsome boy, and how soon could I do it. My sister owns some property in the country, 22 acres to be exact, and one of my animals is buried out there with several of theirs (they've lived there for over 30 years), but they are selling that property and I didn't want Zeus on a strangers land. Where my sister and her husband now live had dirt as hard as a rock, digging there might be more than a little problem, even though my first greyhound is buried there as is one of my cats, we tested to see how much we could dig, not possible, the soil was just too hard.
Since Jerry and I have been talking about me building a my new home on his land, near his creek, I asked if we could bury Zeus there, near the creek, since Zeus loved sitting in the creek when he was hot, and playing in it when he wanted. Of course, Jerry said that would be find and he'd find just the right spot, which he did.
Problem, first he had to mow a path to get there, then he had to dig, His mower, tractor, whatever you want to call it, gave him troubles, the ground had loads of roots in it, since it is in a glade, trees surround the grave site, this wasn't surprising.
He had started at around 9:00 a.m., and at 12:30 I went out to help, or at least give moral support, plus I took him something to eat and drink, he loved diet coke, poor thing. At about 1:00 we headed down to the glade, Zeus in the back of my car, wrapped in one of his favorite comforters. We had an ax, a shovel and an ice cream scoop (don't ask).
Now here's where it gets strange. I sat in the chair Jerry had down there while he started to hack at roots. I watched for approximately 2 minutes when I decided I had to help, this was my Zeus and I had to do this for him. I went, small shovel in hand to where Jerry was hacking and when he stopped for a minute, I sat myself down on the edge of the grave, and started digging.
I continued to dig for the next 2 1/2 hours, with Jerry, I hacked at roots with my shovel, I pulled dirt out of the ground with my hands when I had to, but I didn't stop until we were done. We had a grave that was about four feet long, two feet wide and almost five feet deep, not bad and big enough and deep enough for my handsome comic boy.
Jerry got Zeus from the car and had to drag him, on a large cardboard box we had for the purpose, down a hill, under trees, and across rough ground. Zeus started to slide off the box, and I, th one who hates death and all dead things, who won't go to friends funerals because I can't stand them, re wrapped my Zeusy in his comforter, and pulled him back on the box. Then I did something I never thought I'd be able to do. I looked death straight in the face, I uncovered Zeus's head looked at him, patted his head, then lifted it up, ever so gently, talking to him as if he could hear me, so he would understand why I was taking his collar off, and removed the collar he'd worn since I got him. Why because I wanted the collar because it is special to him and to me, and because I felt he needed to go into the ground unencumbered by man made stuff.
After we put Zeus in his grave, I lost it, I mean I really lost it. I'd been crying off and on since he'd died, but this was the end, really he was gone now, in a grave about to be covered with dirt, forever buried under five feet of hard Texas clay. I couldn't hold myself together any longer. As cathartic as digging the grave had been, hacking at roots with the shovel, tossing clay, dirt, rocks (not many) and anything else that got in the way was so healing, and it all came undone when Zeus was at the bottom of that great hole I'd just helped dig for him.
After, when I could see and talk again, I sat down and talked to Sweetie, one of Jerry's dogs, who has picked me as a favorite. We talked for a short time, then I grabbed my shovel and went to help Jerry finish the job, digging the grave is actually the easy part, filling it in with the one you loved in it is the hard part,
Many of you are probably saying, he was just a dog, but you don't know, he was so much more. He was my friend, my companion, my other dog's companion and beloved friend. Zeus came to me damaged, scared, insecure and when he died he was the total opposite, he was happy, funny and full of life. He love me, he loved Roux and most importantly he loved anyone who walked in the house, he was no longer afraid he'd be taken away from the home he'd come to love.
Zeus was one of the reasons I got out of bed in the morning, he was one of the reasons I had to keep living, he was the guardian of my safety, my heart and part of my soul. Now I have a huge hole in my heart where he is, an emptiness that will never be filled, but might in time be less painful, as it is with Colt and Gem but filled? No, not really.
I know and am glad that God has a place for my Zeus and that if I'm very lucky, one day, I'll see him again, and with Colt, Gem Gem, and all the other pets I've lost, Zeus and I will cross the Rainbow bridge together. If that isn't real and true than the God I know would be a liar and a fraud and a charlatan, and I don't believe that He is any of those things.
Meanwhile I'll live with the loss of my friend and companion and Roux will continue to be confused and a little frightened. I worry most about her, she, of course doesn't understand where Zeus went. And most of all, will I take her away and not let her come home? No, of course I won't but she doesn't understand why her buddy, her playmate and her friend is gone, Roux is as lost as I am, only I know why he's gone, she doesn't. I hurt for her too.
