Janice M Cali
Grieving
Zeus, Better Days
When I wrote about Zeus dying I got some lovely comments and heartfelt warmth, which I can now acknowledge. I thank those of you who wrote and expressed your sympathy, it was warming and comforting, thank you.
I wrote about burying my Zeusy on Thursday and how helpful, emotionally it was and it was and continues to be. Since then I've not cried, at least not much. Today was another story. I finally decided it was time to deal with his food dish and his bucket of food, which sit, or sat, in front of the dishwasher in the kitchen, right in front of where I kept his medications.
Washing and cleaning his food dish yesterday wasn't bad, I put it on the drainboard to dry. I poured the extra food into Roux's container, where it will slowly slide down her feeder into her bowl and be gone, hers now not his. That wasn't too bad.
Then I started dealing with his medications, many of which I should have offered to those who need them, and some I did, others were old, or the labels had warn down and only I knew when to give them and what for and I didn't want to be responsible for passing them on and the instructions being misunderstood or the drugs misused, so I tossed them. Then some, the syn-flex (glucosmine) will go to Roux since she is now approaching 10 years old and I think she should be one something to help avoid arthritis and bone loss from age.
Finally it was time to decide what to do with Zeuy's dish, where to put it, give it away? No it had been Colt's and GemGem's after him, it's too big for Roux, but someday I'll get another big goofy dog and it will be used for him or her. So, as I sat in the kitchen polishing the stainless steal bowl, I had to decide where to put it. Finally I put it under the water bowl, same size and not to big for Roux. As I did this I notice that the top of Roux's feeder was very dirty, so I started cleaning it, scrubbing actually, and the tears started, it was such a silly thing, here I was scrubbing Roux's feeder top, crying my eyes out over the fact that I wouldn't have to scrub Zeus's dish again, ever, for him. He was gone.
Roux is mourning too, she lays at the foot of the bed as I work, half on the bed and half on the table I have at the foot with a pillow and blanket just for her, and stares out the back door. She does this a lot. The littlest sound she starts her barking to tell me that Zeus has gone out and runs to join him only to remember that he isn't there. It is sad and heart rending to watch this, though I know she will stop eventually. Roux is more needy than she has been in a long time. She needs more comforting, more scratches behind the ears, more back rubs and she needs to sleep touching me, even if it's just a paw against my leg, she must be in contact. She hasn't done this for years, she'd grown out of it.
Now when I go somewhere that Roux can go she goes with me, without Zeus here she will start her escape artist tricks again and the electric fence was taken down after Zeus zapped himself one time too many and after Roux showed she wasn't going to escape and come hunting for me anymore. She trusted that as long as Zeus was home with her, I'd probably come home sometime and she trusted him enough to stay put. But now, she'll start the mom hunt again, running to all the places in town we have ever been looking for me, crossing highways, running in front of cars. No, it's best she go with me until the fence is fixed or get locked in the house, with no doggy door access. Poor baby is very confused, but then so is her mom.
We both miss our big, goofy, handsome clown of a white spotted greyhound. Run fast Zeus, run free and run happy. We still love you.
