Janice M Cali
Life is Strange
In My Face
It's dawned on me recently that although I've developed a stutter and the shakes, not constant but frequent enough to be very irritating, that my life is getting better. The picture is one of my Zeus when he wanted something, or wanted to comfort me, I'm not sure which, but he had this habit of getting right in my face and saying with those big brown eyes, “hey! Mom! What's up with you? Come on let's do something, at least rub my ears.” That was my Zeus. He could help with any mood.
What I'm coming to realize is that I don't want to do the things other expect of me, JW wanting me to join with him in his new MLM scheme that is, as you all know, guaranteed to make money, and this one he really believes in, and probably will make money, but I don't want to work that hard. Anyone that tells you that making money on the internet is easy is nuts, and lying to boot. It is hard work, you have to get in touch with thousands of people to get just one lead, you have to be able to sell yourself as much as you sell the product. No matter how good, honest and useful, the product you have to sell yourself as a good, honest and helpful person who will help the person who also buys into the product or service through you. You are then their sponsor and if you don't work at your job, they can't get anywhere with theirs unless they are into mass marketing and spamming. Not always a good idea, especially with some products or services, who do not want to be associated with spam.
What the hell is she talking about, you ask. I'm talking about JW getting me to buy into a very good service MLM that I have no idea what I'm doing, that I don't want to work at, that I have been working my ass off for the past two and ˝ weeks and I'm tired, I don't have time for anything else, and I'm frankly tired of it because I don't like MLM, even if this one will work, eventually. But until it does pay off it will cost me money I don't want to spend.
So, how do I get JW to accept that I don't want to do this, I've invested too much money in it to just drop out, I should at least get my money's worth out of it, which means that I need stick it out another month, actually three weeks, and then quit.
Enough of that, but before I leave, I say I'm not going to tell you what the service is, this isn't the place, if you care, check FoodMage on Twitter.
Now, what have I accomplished, if anything, during the last few weeks. First, I've changed some medicines, nothing dramatic, but it's the one that helps me wake up after taking the one that makes me sleep at night, and without it, I'll then continue to be sleepy. Oh, well, trade offs are always happening. If I stop shaking and stop stuttering, than that's the medicine that caused it. If I don't I'll restart it and stop the one that helps me sleep. How much fun is that.
Well, I got one of the bookcases that was in the kitchen, it held most of my cookbooks, empty and moved. I've almost finished the second one, which is going to a friend when it's empty. I've emptied the built in one of the rest of my cookbooks so they are now all near where I work, I can grab one and keep working, yeah right, that's the problem, I don't have time to work on my blogs because of the stupid thing that JW has me working on, but I'm going to start again. Hell in one month I made $1.35, which means I'll be making a living at this if I do it every day for the rest of my life and collect a whole bunch of readers, right?
Yesterday, I went grocery shopping at reputedly the best grocery store in Longview, it is good, I didn't get to the whole store, but the prices were almost twice those of where I normally shop, and the product was much the same. I'd been told that they had a great Asian aisle, they don't, it's barely adequate. No fish sauce, only one package of rice noodles, no lemon grass, no pepper sauce, which to be honest I can make myself, I do have the recipe. And they had the smallest bottle of Thai Peanut Sauce I've ever seen for $4.99, hell I can make that too, I have all the ingredients, so, I spent a small fortune, for me, and didn't get half the goodies I wanted. So, I won't be going there again. Much as I hate Wally World, I'll do some there and I'll do the rest at the good local grocery. There I can ask them to get some of the things I want and they'll try, which is a good thing.
What else have I done this week? Humm, I made a mess of my coffee table, I've started rearranging some of my books, they are in a small shambles and need to be reorganized, get all the books that aren't cookbooks out of the shelves that contain the cookbooks, and into another shelf, which I discovered that I have actually two shelves available for books, I'm amazed!
I did get some things in the studio done but not much. Next week it will get finished or I'll have some heads. Some people might lose their jobs, ok, they won't because replacing them would be a major pain in the ass, and I like both of them. But we are going to have words about why they should be here when I tell them, not when they feel like it. That they should use their brains instead of sitting waiting for someone to tell they to pick up a mess that has been created either by me or by them, they should pick it up, it's their job.
Then, my therapist, on vacation for two weeks, I didn't see her for three, saw her last night and she was rested and seemed happy, and again, she picked on me. She's decided that pushing my buttons is the thing to do, and I don't like it, but I have to take it, in order to get my current life straightened out. I mean, there is all this baggage I've been carrying around for decades, it's time to unload it and move into a new decade and move into it with a new attitude and belief that a new start is a good or better thing.
Now she wants me to investigate my feelings about JW, look at our convoluted relationship and decide how to untangle it, stop letting him get away with the stuff I let him get away with, see if I want a relationship with him, and if so, what type, and if I don't how to I untangle what we have or if I want to. This is quite a dilemma and not one I particularly want to work on. She does have a habit of hitting on those things that I need to study, analyze, and in many ways make decisions about, I've been known to call her a bitch, and so she has been lately, but unfortunately that's been and is being good for me. Damn it!
I've made the decision that next week, come hell or high water I will get the studio finished because I have something like five commissions I haven't even started and this could eventually be a problem. Another Damn it!
But the one thing that I'm happiest about, I can't find a thing to feel sorry for myself about. Sure I still have the bill collectors calling way too frequently, and I'll probably have to file bankruptcy, sure, my mind still runs away from me sometimes, but not as frequently and not as radically. I still have depression, anxiety, panic, fibromyalgia, arthritis, and other problems, but I'm basically healthy, I have strong organs, you know heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, etc. so internally I'm great, bones, muscles, that sort of thing, OK, they're a mess, sort of, but who cares, I have meds that help with that and can function pretty much as long as I take them. So, I'm much better than I was just a few months ago, and that's a very good thing.
So to those of you who read this to see how miserable I am, sorry to disappoint, I'm not. To those of you who read this to find some help for your problems, read carefully, there is a whole bunch of help here, you can get better and you can enjoy life even if you have symptoms of an illness.
Enjoy life, it's just too damned short to spend it in misery. Besides you might live a whole lot longer than you planned and being miserable is a whole less fun than being happy and enjoying life. Go for it.
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MS Paint Art
What a lovely looking dog with his soulful eyes.
Thank you very much. Zeus was one of the best and certainly one of the most loving animals I've ever had. I miss him tremendously. And those eyes could melt the coldest heart, and get almost anything out anyone. He was a rascle.
Janice
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