John Standley
ONE WAY TICKET AND 80 QUID
I was pottering round the house cleaning the other day when i was remernising about my wild days before i settled for normality. I ll take you back to the 80 s when smiley acid t. shirts were all the rage with ripped jeans and of course i did look like Yazz the singer with a bleached skinhead. The acid was gone and in came the E s. Well moving on , i had been sacked from my job, at the time i was a shit hot hairstylist, designing only the best and up to date cuts and colours. The most daring stylist in the shop and the best out of 12 stylists.. The trouble with me was i was bonkers, and no one could tame me. As my moods were getting worse monday morn with me it was not pleasant.wreching in the loos from all the speed and drugs. So my boss decided to teach me a lesson. As i had left that shop on 3 occasions before of my own free will and i had been persuaded with more money to go back, i thought i was non combustable. Any way she sacked me. gave me my wages all of 38 pound .You see i had borrowed the wages during the week and this is what i had left. She offered me two perm solutions, wow fucking wee , and so i left very sad ,but also happy my wings were free.
There was a lad i was seeing on a weekday, his name was frankie,so after the sacking i went straight to meet some pals in the pub Oh the joy of no work in the morning.But the gistapo(MOTHER) wouldnt let me be idle not under her roof anyway.So listening to the lovely Frankie chatting about pissing off to Faliraki next week ,my ears pricked up .
im coming with ya is that ok frank,and jason, i suppose someone can do the ironing yeh why not.ha ha . I went home pottless again , but i did own a large whisky bottle ,full of coppers. i emptied it the following day and counted and cashed in 80 POUND. VOILA IM OFF.!!!!!1!!!
Frankie payed for my flight. i was at the airport after saying goodbye to the family, one sibling had said see you next week, i replied youll never see me again.Ihad the biggest suitcase in the world and two holdhalls, which included a full bedrooms contents,yes ornaments, dictionarys, hairstuff ,clothes to beat the band, 12 pairs of shoes, u name it i had it. the lads looked at me and laughed they had a sports bag each, what the fuck are you on? said Frankie, jason just shoke his head. Dont ask us to carry a thing ,your on your own with that. Fine i wont was my reply.
So we arrived at six am in Faliraki ,bearing in mind id spent 20 quid at the airport on drinks. The bleedin fool i was. We had no where to stay and so looked at nine in the morning for somewhere .It was like MARY AND JOSEPH AND THE DONKEY, no room at the in .no room anywhere at all on the island.People were sat outside the main street drinking and watching the three of us trapesing up and down .Of course i was struggling with the bags, up the same street id walked up time and time. I eventually took it upon myself to get accomodation myself instead of leaving it up to the leader. Franky. So i managed to bag a room on top of a hotel for 18 quid or watever the money was back then each. We were in a god damn hut, breeze blocks no plug sockets,which meant creased clothes ,my pet hate. , the lycra minis were on. One double bed between the three of us, we only had that for 2 nights, then it was back to Bethlehem, oh and yes i was classed as a donkey. nee haw.
In arrived a new set of mopeds opposite the hotel. I cut the greeks hair and he had asked me to put milage on 3 of them before he could rent them out.In the meantime Frankie had befreinded some credit card frauders and so the plan was to go into Rhodes with these two black guys and do a little shopping as husband and wife. On what you may add / on the mopeds honeys.Dressed up to the hilt was i , and the hubby .We had these two beefers on the back .We sped up to Rhodes and went into a cafe. When we looked at the cards we realised that they had been wiped and wiped, so declined and headed back. Frankie shot off quickly i tried to keep up and didnt stop at the sign .Me and this guy flew off and i ripped a hole in the best suit i ever had and the guys leg was burnt to smitherines. SERVES US RIGHT .RIGHT. yes i agree but needs must, when your on your arse with no money . i was a plastic gangster in my own right, you will do what it takes. Dont get me wrong i wouldnt sell my body, but theiving well i did a bit when i needed to get out of the shit.
This guy offered to drive the moped i agreed i did my hip in and it hasnt been the same since.As we were cruising along taking in the vista i did notice the guy turn down to a remote part of the beach. There wasnt a sinner on it and it was pure rocks, i thought shit im gonna be raped.He stopped and parked up and i just sat on the bike and asked him what was the score. He pretended to drop the keys in the water .Oh fuck i thought iv had it now, he turned round to me and grabbed me tight. i tried to stay calm and said my boyfriend would be looking for us and that he has a very bad temper and we better be getting off.He agreed and that was that episode.
Another night Frankie broke into an icecream fridge, to just get one.We had had a belly full of whisky and I thought it would be a good idea to steel the 2 massive boxes of cornetoes, not thinking they would melt so whilst i was rickoshaying all over the road with the boxes, Frankie shouted for me to put them down, i wouldnt listen so he belted me one .I fel into a thorn bush and scraped all my face. What a picture i was in just 3 days .We had found more accomodation curtesy of Frankie and Jay, again they broke the toilet seat fighting ,and so out on the streets we were.
I ended up snogging borris becker that night..EWWWWWWW NOT the real one the D.J on the island i ended up with a thousand love bites on the kneck could you imagine how rough i looked. He had no teeth what was i thinking. When i came home in the morning Frankie had packed my bags and told me to get out.Jason was lovely and said he wanted out, and so the two of us went trawling the beach with a water spray and scissors and a mirror. I had befriended some scousers also and they wanted to stay if they could find a job,they did promise that we could have their tickets.Frankie had found a new piece,a blonde bimbo he had money still and left myself and jason with nothing to eat.We wanted to get him back for being mean.It turned out the scousers found jobs,and so handed us the two tickets,we drove to the airport with the lads they checked in our luggage and we walked through.
As i arrived back on home soil the whole place was smelling of roses the sun was shining and the streets were happy. I bounced up my street, like a therabred , i actually was looking rather good i had a little trick to get rid of the love bites that actually worked.Could you imagine the gistapos face with those all around the kneck, anyway. I was brown as a berry the scratches were dissapearing the hip was ok and the sunday dinner was being cooked. I had recieved a message in my absence that a new salon state of the art place were looking for me. I walked in on the monday spoke with the owner and i started on the tuesday, and guess where it was ? Round the corner of the old shop i was in when i got sacked .The good thing about that town was eveyone knew everyone,i actually cleaned out the other shop and was racking it in for the new boss, and myself, well the old boss was seething at the bit ,its a dog eat dog out there and who else is gonna make the money for you ? And so it all began the nutcase was back in town what else did she have up her sleeve??????
As
There was a lad i was seeing on a weekday, his name was frankie,so after the sacking i went straight to meet some pals in the pub Oh the joy of no work in the morning.But the gistapo(MOTHER) wouldnt let me be idle not under her roof anyway.So listening to the lovely Frankie chatting about pissing off to Faliraki next week ,my ears pricked up .
im coming with ya is that ok frank,and jason, i suppose someone can do the ironing yeh why not.ha ha . I went home pottless again , but i did own a large whisky bottle ,full of coppers. i emptied it the following day and counted and cashed in 80 POUND. VOILA IM OFF.!!!!!1!!!
Frankie payed for my flight. i was at the airport after saying goodbye to the family, one sibling had said see you next week, i replied youll never see me again.Ihad the biggest suitcase in the world and two holdhalls, which included a full bedrooms contents,yes ornaments, dictionarys, hairstuff ,clothes to beat the band, 12 pairs of shoes, u name it i had it. the lads looked at me and laughed they had a sports bag each, what the fuck are you on? said Frankie, jason just shoke his head. Dont ask us to carry a thing ,your on your own with that. Fine i wont was my reply.
So we arrived at six am in Faliraki ,bearing in mind id spent 20 quid at the airport on drinks. The bleedin fool i was. We had no where to stay and so looked at nine in the morning for somewhere .It was like MARY AND JOSEPH AND THE DONKEY, no room at the in .no room anywhere at all on the island.People were sat outside the main street drinking and watching the three of us trapesing up and down .Of course i was struggling with the bags, up the same street id walked up time and time. I eventually took it upon myself to get accomodation myself instead of leaving it up to the leader. Franky. So i managed to bag a room on top of a hotel for 18 quid or watever the money was back then each. We were in a god damn hut, breeze blocks no plug sockets,which meant creased clothes ,my pet hate. , the lycra minis were on. One double bed between the three of us, we only had that for 2 nights, then it was back to Bethlehem, oh and yes i was classed as a donkey. nee haw.
In arrived a new set of mopeds opposite the hotel. I cut the greeks hair and he had asked me to put milage on 3 of them before he could rent them out.In the meantime Frankie had befreinded some credit card frauders and so the plan was to go into Rhodes with these two black guys and do a little shopping as husband and wife. On what you may add / on the mopeds honeys.Dressed up to the hilt was i , and the hubby .We had these two beefers on the back .We sped up to Rhodes and went into a cafe. When we looked at the cards we realised that they had been wiped and wiped, so declined and headed back. Frankie shot off quickly i tried to keep up and didnt stop at the sign .Me and this guy flew off and i ripped a hole in the best suit i ever had and the guys leg was burnt to smitherines. SERVES US RIGHT .RIGHT. yes i agree but needs must, when your on your arse with no money . i was a plastic gangster in my own right, you will do what it takes. Dont get me wrong i wouldnt sell my body, but theiving well i did a bit when i needed to get out of the shit.
This guy offered to drive the moped i agreed i did my hip in and it hasnt been the same since.As we were cruising along taking in the vista i did notice the guy turn down to a remote part of the beach. There wasnt a sinner on it and it was pure rocks, i thought shit im gonna be raped.He stopped and parked up and i just sat on the bike and asked him what was the score. He pretended to drop the keys in the water .Oh fuck i thought iv had it now, he turned round to me and grabbed me tight. i tried to stay calm and said my boyfriend would be looking for us and that he has a very bad temper and we better be getting off.He agreed and that was that episode.
Another night Frankie broke into an icecream fridge, to just get one.We had had a belly full of whisky and I thought it would be a good idea to steel the 2 massive boxes of cornetoes, not thinking they would melt so whilst i was rickoshaying all over the road with the boxes, Frankie shouted for me to put them down, i wouldnt listen so he belted me one .I fel into a thorn bush and scraped all my face. What a picture i was in just 3 days .We had found more accomodation curtesy of Frankie and Jay, again they broke the toilet seat fighting ,and so out on the streets we were.
I ended up snogging borris becker that night..EWWWWWWW NOT the real one the D.J on the island i ended up with a thousand love bites on the kneck could you imagine how rough i looked. He had no teeth what was i thinking. When i came home in the morning Frankie had packed my bags and told me to get out.Jason was lovely and said he wanted out, and so the two of us went trawling the beach with a water spray and scissors and a mirror. I had befriended some scousers also and they wanted to stay if they could find a job,they did promise that we could have their tickets.Frankie had found a new piece,a blonde bimbo he had money still and left myself and jason with nothing to eat.We wanted to get him back for being mean.It turned out the scousers found jobs,and so handed us the two tickets,we drove to the airport with the lads they checked in our luggage and we walked through.
As i arrived back on home soil the whole place was smelling of roses the sun was shining and the streets were happy. I bounced up my street, like a therabred , i actually was looking rather good i had a little trick to get rid of the love bites that actually worked.Could you imagine the gistapos face with those all around the kneck, anyway. I was brown as a berry the scratches were dissapearing the hip was ok and the sunday dinner was being cooked. I had recieved a message in my absence that a new salon state of the art place were looking for me. I walked in on the monday spoke with the owner and i started on the tuesday, and guess where it was ? Round the corner of the old shop i was in when i got sacked .The good thing about that town was eveyone knew everyone,i actually cleaned out the other shop and was racking it in for the new boss, and myself, well the old boss was seething at the bit ,its a dog eat dog out there and who else is gonna make the money for you ? And so it all began the nutcase was back in town what else did she have up her sleeve??????
As
